I wanted to write this blog to document this great adventure of moving to NY and all the wonderful new things I was experiencing. But the truth is that not all things that happen on an adventure are wonderful. Some are painful. Some are depressing. Some are hard to describe. But it is all a part of the adventure, right?
So I am back to writing. To capturing my life in words on my blog so that I remember and you get to live it with me.
The last two months have been spent looking for work. I mean I have done some other things like visit Juan's family in PA (his younger brother is having his second child any day now and one of his cousins is pregnant too), rehearsing for He'll Work it Out (the show had to be postponed from opening in September because the production staff needed to get reorganized, so I left the show), helping Juan push forward with the business (we were doing very well until fall started to set in this week, but we will be okay in that area), and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life (I know what I love to do, but is there a career for it and if so how do I get into that career).
Not being able to find a job has really rocked me to the core. First off, I have a degree and 10+ years of management experience. But I don't know anyone in NY and finding a job is all about who you know not what you know. This is a lesson I have learned over and over again here. I feel like without a job I have no purpose, and without a purpose what am I good for? Juan keeps telling me that I am going to find something, but I just don't know anymore.
My good friend Jessica told me that she believes that God has not blessed me with a job because I am meant to use this time to go to school and get my cosmetology license. I love doing hair and makeup and getting my license would mean making money doing something I love. But I alos love fashion and I want to find my place in that world. So I have been praying on it and looking for guidance.
In the meantime, I went to an open house for the Plus Academy NY. The Plus Academy is a training program for new and aspiring plus models . At the open house, some former students spoke and some of the instructors spoke. Some have gone on to be successful models and others have found their place in other areas of plus fashion. So I decided, I need to go to the Plus Academy so I can figure out where I am meant to be.
The open house was held at one of my favorite retail stores and while I was there, I applied for a job and wass hired. So it was meant to be, right? I don't know. Yes, I know I was looking for work and was finally hired somewhere. And even part-time work is better than nothing. And I needed the money to pay for the Plus Academy and maybe start saving for cosmetology school. But I was not meant to do this type of work. The one thing that keeps me going is the discount (yes, I think I have spent my first paycheck already and I have not even gotten it) and the free stuff (yes, they have some good perks). So now I am struggling with whether or not it was meant to be, or me pushing the envelope of fate (its hiring season for retail). I guess only time will tell.
So now I am back to where I started, trying to find a job and figure out where I am supposed to be in this big city of dreams. I guess that I will just have to keep praying, keep applying, and keep feeling things out for what the best fit is. In the meantime, I am trying to find my worth outside of what I do. I am trying to figure out exactly who I am (even though I thought this happened when I was in college, then again after my first engagement broke off, and then again in the years when Juan was living in NY and I was in CA). Maybe seeing yourself clearly is a life long search and you just have to be happy with what you know.
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