Caught Out in The Rain

So yesterday, an unexpected rain storm hit NY. There was thunder and lightening and a downpour that was so unexpected. I got off work at 8:00pm and went immediately to the subway. When I got to my stop, the downpour had begun and there was no turning back. I stood in the underground alcove for about 20 mins and the rain let up just a bit so I decided to go for it. I mean what else was I going to? But as I started to walk home, the down pour got stronger and hit me so hard. The trauma of this experience was multiplied by the fact that my cell phone has been out of order for over a week now and I could not even call my husband to see if he could pick me up.

All I could do was cry and walk. At one point I even stopped and yelled out, "I just want to go HOME." (The last time I cried that cry was when I lived in the dorms and realized that I lived with 3 other girls and I could not handle the personality differences anymore. In fact, I literally ran home to my mother's house that night.) I thought about how even when I did not have a car in Cali, the amount of walking that I did back home was so minimal. Seriously, even when I took the express bus home, I walked to my bus stop (20 yards from my office), got on the bus and got dropped off at the train station (another 30 feet from my car). When I got home I cried some more (because I was soaked through to my underwear and because my new cell phone that was supposed to come was not delivered), ate dinner, and then cried some more.

After sleeping off all the feelings I had, I woke up feeling guilty. I don't want to go back to Cali to live. I just want to feel more secure in my life here in NY. I also felt guilty because if home is where the heart is, NY is my home with Juan. But my heart is torn. I miss my family and friends. Then on the way home from work today, I remembered another rain storm from when I first moved to OC.

After our first day of school in the OC, my sisters and I had to walk home to our new apartment, that we had only walked to once from the bus stop with our mom before that day. That first day of school, it rained cats and dogs. And when we got to our bus stop in front of the school by our home, we got turned around. We went out the wrong exit and ended up a block and a half away from home. People drove by and sprayed water on us. At one point, Veronica sat down on the curb and refused to walk any more. After being lost for about 30 minutes, we finally found our way home.

That was a horrible day for my sisters and I. But now we talk about and laugh and remember that we had each other that day and we never got lost again after that. I survived that storm and I survived the storm last night. I am not ready to laugh yet at last night's experience, but I know I will be okay.

I love rainbows because of what they mean. God used rainbows to symbolize that He would never flood the earth again. But more than that, I look at them as a symbol that God does not send us storms that we cannot handle--in nature or in life. I am in need of a rainbow right now, but I know what God's promise is so I am living my life looking for rainbows.