Going Home

I have been in California for a week. And it was crazy busy. Between celebrating my sisters' graduation achievements and preparing for this wedding, I am just so tired. But I got a lot done while I was here.

We finalized the bridal shower plans, we hashed out the wedding and reception plans, we found the location for wedding photos, we ordered favors for the receptions, and I found my dress. But more importantly, I found the answer to a question that I have been asking myself for a little while now.

New York, not California is my home now. I miss my family and friends when I am gone, but I was meant to be in NYC. It is hard to say if it has more to do with Juan or the fact that I feel inspired and like everything is possible for me there.

I won't lie and say everything in NY is easy. In fact it's exactly the opposite. Juan and I struggle and I am still trying to find my place there. But struggling together and seeing what is out there if I take the right chances and make the right choices is exciting.

I did not realize that I felt this way about NY until I was visiting my old job on Thursday night. I saw some of the staff and one asked me how I was doing. I answered "I'm good." And he said back, "You look happy."

Since I got back people have commented that I look good because I have lost weight or that I just look good in general, but when he said that I looked happy I knew that was what was different.

I am happy. Being with the one person in the world that you really love and want to live with for the rest of your life makes you happy. No it brings you joy. And that feels good. I hope I continue to wear that happiness on my face for the rest of my life.

Going Back to Cali

So I am super excited because in just 3 days I am going to visit California. I never thought I would be so happy to go back so soon. But I miss my family and friends. Also, my sister both just finished their programs in school and are graduating. I want to celebrate with them.

Today I spent the day online talking with my mom and her friend about wedding plans. More specifically about centerpieces. It is crazy how something as simple as centerpieces for my simple backyard summer barbecue wedding can get so out of hand. I was trying to stay out of it all so that I don't get all stressed out if things don't go my way, but today I got involved. My best friend reminded me that I am super creative and I could find ways to decorate for cheap that would also be beautiful. She was right. I got online found options to make centerpieces for about $4 a table. And with my girlfriends and sisters, I have tons of help to knock out putting the pieces together in no time.

The whole experience got me pumped. I now know that I have to be a little more involved and I have to use my creative side to make things work the way I want and to lessen the stress on my Mommy.

All of a sudden, I am looking forward to my wedding the way I should have been the whole time.

I leave for California on Friday morning and my mom and I are going shopping for my dress and centerpieces and cake. I also have a bunch of hanging out to do with my sisters and girlfriends and my dad. I know this trip will be exhausting, but I can't wait. And I look forward to missing Juan while I am gone. This is all new to me, but so wonderful.

Home Sick?

I had my first real case of home sickness for California this week. The first week of May is a big birthday week for my friends. May 4 is my God son's birthday. May 5 is my good friend Erika's birthday. And May 6 is my friend Summer's birthday. Erika and Summer grew up together so this weekend is usually the big dual party weekend.

What normally happens is that I go over to Erika's house early and we either go shopping or pull everything from our closets and I help her pick her outfit. Then we get ready together and we go out. I usually spend the night at her house after the festivities and hold her hair if she gets sick from all the partying. But I am in NY and going to Cali in about 2 weeks, so I could not be there this year. And this year was Erika's 30th birthday.

So Erika sent me pics of her in different outfits and I helped her pick one, but it wasn't the same. All of a sudden, I was very sad to know that I could not be there and this won't be the last time I will miss out on stuff like this. It's just the way of life when you move away from your family and friends.

Believe me, I would not take back my move. I love being here. I love being with Juan. And I will love being his wife. But I left a part of my heart in California. And they say that home is where the heart is. So I guess I will forever be split. Homesick for NY when I am in Cali and home sick for Cali while I make a life in NY.